Birthday Party Blunder

8:36 PM

So, life has been a little hectic around here. We bought an airstream and it is my husbands dream project, which means a lot of weekends with him in his work boots and tool belt. I know what you're picturing...a Magic Mike-esque scenario in my back yard while I watch from the kitchen sipping lemonade and swooning. Well, sorry to burst your bubble. That's not what's happening. All it really means for me is that I am left to conquer weekend Target runs and birthday parties alone with our one and a half year that Im writing this Im starting to think my husbands love for his weekend project is actually a greater plan to get out of these activities...

Anyway, last weekend was a big one. Two toddler birthday parties on the same day, at the same time, in completely different neighborhoods...I needed coffee for this one. Extra large. Oh, and I needed gifts too...

My plan was to get to the first party right on time so I could still make the second before it ended. Yes, I know. I planned to be that really annoying guest who arrives to an 11:00 party at like 10:56 while you're still blowdrying your hair and trying to put out the dessert plates. Uggggh I cant stand that guest...but my friend just moved and I figured I could spend the first 4 minutes giving myself a tour of her new house while she finished things up and secretly wished I would have shown up 15 minutes late like a normal fucking person.

So I arrive at my friends. Wow, I literally have never been to a party this early. There arent even cars in the driveway. As I walk in the front door I realize why people don't show up to parties this early. It's AKKKKKWARD....there's not even any music on.

"Hello?, it's Krystin and Smith. Happy Birthday Hudson!" I yell into the nothingness.

Geeezus, are they even here? How quiet can your house be with a 1 year old?

"Des, Hudson, Scott, hello?? I know were early?"

Did I get the time wrong? Can she not hear me upstairs? How early am I, there aren't even decorations out? I'll call her...

Ring Ring Ring

"Hey, girl! Sorry, Im so early, but I'm at your house."
"No worries. There's people here, come on in."

Just then I realize....Im in the wrong fucking house! Im standing in the living room, with my toddler, in a complete strangers house.

So, I do what any completely insane normal person would do.

I run!

I grab my kid and run so effing fast out that door I dont think I even closed it. They probably have a cat or something that went missing that I am solely responsible for. I have just added breaking and entering to my one year olds list of crimes committed.

I get in my car and drive the 100 yards to the correct house. The decorated house. The house with shitloads of balloons hanging from the mailbox and a giant cardboard cutout of the birthday boy in the driveway. I didnt even strap Smith in his carseat, so when I arrive all the people standing in the front yard see my one year old panting like a dog at the window of the backseat.

Wow! Mother of the FREAKING year!

Needless to say the airstream projects have slowed down. I dont think my husband trusts me alone with our kid any more...

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  1. Absolutely hilarious! As a caterer, I've shown up to the wrong venue before. Totally normal, right?


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