Momin' Aint Easy

10:06 PM

Im lying in bed.


I had wine for dinner.














My brain is so...it's so something. Something I cant describe in a deserving way because I'm too tired. But like all women with far too many things going on in their heads, bodies, boobs, eyeballs, whatever, I lay here unable to sleep. Instead I think...think of so many things. Too many things. But tonight, I am mostly thinking of this....

I literally do not know how I am going to get up and be a mother tomorrow.

I dont know if some super power is going to take place within me between now and 6am that is going to propel me out of bed and into life.

As it currently stands, motherhood is hard. And not the good kind of hard. Not the rewarding, satisfying, powerful woman kind of hard. Just fucking hard. I battle with feeling annoyed with my toddler, ashamed of myself for feeling annoyed with my toddler, and exhausted from being ashamed of myself for feeling annoyed with my toddler like 673 times a day. My plate is overflowing, yet I feel unfulfilled. My frustration is boiling over, yet so is my love. The rollercoaster of fear and doubt and pity and joy seems to never end....does it ever end? Does the rollercoaster eventually level? Or do I learn to roll with the movement of these emotions? Is this all part of motherhood?

It's times like these that Im thankful for my tribe. My family who will run to my aid when I "just cant". My husband who tells me I'm skinny and a good mom and pretty without makeup. The special friends who let me have bitch fest after bitch fest and never judge when Smith bites their kid. (thank you Jo). The carton of Ben & Jerry's that I just ate while I wrote this...


You Might Also Like

5 comments

  1. I couldn't have read this at a perfect time. My husband is traveling, we are on day 2 and I'm not sure I can last 2.5 weeks alone with these monsters...one being my dog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh mama you'll get through it! It's hard and lonely when husband is gone especially trust me we know! We both have hubbies who have to travel a ton for work! Being a mom is hard!

      Delete
  2. This just made me feel so much better for occasionally thinking my toddler is an a**hole. I know you're not "suppose" to think that but... And this made me laugh. My husband also tells me I'm pretty without makeup and skinny and a good mom. It helps me forgive him for all the silly stuff he does. You guys rule.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This just made me feel so much better for occasionally thinking my toddler is an a**hole. I know you're not "suppose" to think that but... And this made me laugh. My husband also tells me I'm pretty without makeup and skinny and a good mom. It helps me forgive him for all the silly stuff he does. You guys rule.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Chelsea! You are not alone in having that occasional thought, trust me! And high five to husbands who like us! hehe

    ReplyDelete

Popular Posts

Like us on Facebook

Flickr Images