The "Mom Shower"

11:05 AM

Pits, Tits, and Lady Bits....also known as "The Mom Shower"

Any other moms out there want to go back to how showers used to be? 

Showers Before Kids:
  • Turn shower on hot while inspecting your pores in the bathroom mirror.
  • Drop a few drops of lavender essential oil in shower...WAIT! I think I want eucalyptus. Yes, definitely eucalyptus.
  • De-robe and look at naked body in mirror wishing you weren't so "fat" (if only you knew!)
  • Get in shower.
  • Start with foot pumice. Remove all dead skin from bottoms of feet using a peppermint foot scrub you made from scratch while bored one day. 
  • Next, lather up. Loofah for most of the body, but exfoliating glove for backs of arms. (they've been rough lately)
  • Now, hair. Shampoo twice. Once with purple shampoo to maintain the perfect blond. Next, with an extra hydrating color lock formula. Rinse, lather, repeat. 
  • Smooth in your conditioner. (which must sit for at least 7 minutes)
  • Shave. Shave everything. Even the tiny peach fuzz on your big toe. Or else, eww, everyone will notice that.
  • Give yourself a deep pore cleanse steam facial. Start with cleanser, Clarisonic, exfoliating scrub, and hydrating masque. Rinse, apply, repeat.
  • Exit shower.
  • 2 towels. You will need 2 towels. One for your hair, perfectly wrapped, and one for your body.
  • Dry off, but not completely dry! It's best to apply body creme while still slightly damp. 
  • Moisturize. Start with the face. Eye cream, serum, hydrating creme, spf. Now on to body. Bikini line serum, foot creme, coconut oil, bronzing lotion. Last, hair. Color seal serum, styling creme, lightly scented split end oil. 
  • Slip into robe that your husband threw in the dryer for you while you showered, so that it is nice and warm on your perfectly hydrated skin!
Showers after kids:
  • Quietly slip into bathroom after you put your baby down for a nap.
  • Get in shower and turn it on. It's freezing. It's absolutely freezing, but you don't have much time so start anyway.
  • Bring toothbrush with you. Brush teeth while pumping soap into free hand.
  • Soap is all gone. Use shampoo.
  • Wash as much of your body as possible with free hand while brushing teeth with the other.
  • Ah, water is finally warm!
  • Turn off water and exit shower.
  • Grab wet towel from floor that husband used earlier. Quickly dry off.
  • Slip into yoga pants and tee from yesterday!
Does this about sum up your mom shower?

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  1. Love the blog Kristen! And sorry to disappoint you ladies but showering does not get better any time soon haha 😂 For whatever reason, even though we have two bathrooms, my showers are regularly interrupted by non-emergency visits from the girls (Gage fortunately has no interest being anywhere near me when I'm showering!) and if I'm lucky, while I'm standing there naked, I might get a comment on my jiggly butt from Grace - with love of course ;) good job gals and good luck! Props for being REAL!

    1. Shannon! You're the absolute best and I love your jiggly butt!

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