Deli Dilemma

10:55 AM

I have to say that I was quite the outlaw when it came to following all the "pregnancy rules". Call me crazy, irresponsible, selfish, but I just simply was not going 9 months without coffee, sushi, deli meat, back sleeping, hot yoga dogs, spray tans, or the occasional glass of wine accompanied with some soft cheese, ...I mean, WTF??

Most days, I was completely unapologetic for my lack of rule following, but every now and then something would happen that would put my metaphorical tail between my non metaphorical swollen legs. This is one of those stories...

It was just another day in the middle of summer. We were having a reeeeeeally hot summer, and I was a very swollen, very pregnant woman ordering her typical lunch from her favorite deli.

Turkey and Salami on Sourdough with extra Salami, extra avo, extra cheese.

I patiently waited for them to call my sandwich at the counter. (most days these sandwiches didn't even make it home, it typically was finished in the parking lot.)

Mouth begins to water.

Stomach begins to flutter.

Oh no...I know that guy.

Shit. He saw me. I have to say hi. "Heeeeeeey, how's it going? How's your wife doing? What is she 8 months along now?"

"She sure is. Doing great. At prenatal yoga now and then heading to the library to read to our unborn fetus." (ok, maybe he didn't say those exact words, but it was along those lines) Man, I don't know how you ladies do it, giving up all the things you do for the sake of your babies.

A sheepish smile spreads across my face. "Well, er, um, actually..."

"I couldn't survive without a little indulging in things like a good turkey sandwich once in a while. You ladies are so strong."

I'm about to confess, but stop. Ohhhh what does it matter? This guy doesn't need to know. Let him make you feel good for a minute. You've earned it. "Yes, yes it is a lot of sacrifice. Women are just capable of so much. I mean...I think the strength comes from..."

My words are interrupted...

"ORDER UP! Double salami and turkey sandwich!!"

Dear God, it's my order. I got so caught up in singing my own praises that I completely forgot my meat monster sandwich was on it's way to rear it's delicious ugly head.

Ok. This is going to be ok. Pretend you didn't hear, pretend it's someone else's sandwich. Just stand there and keep smiling as if you are waiting for your vegan, gluten free, dairy free veggie wrap to be called.

"DOUBLE SALAMI SANDWICH! ORDER UP!!"

Please stop yelling out my excessively meat stacked sandwich. Come on. This guys sandwich must be up next right? He'll grab it, leave, and I'll be able to snatch my sandwich and run...right? Please let them call his sandwich next.

"We got a double salami right here!!! ORDER UP!"

Jeeeeeesus man we hear you!!!

Oh no, they're looking for the name on the order. Please God no, dont let them find my name.

"We got a double salami turkey sandwich for KRYSTIN! ORDER UP FOR KRYSTIN!"

Cheeks. Turn. Red.

Sweat. Drips. Down. Brow.

I didn't even try to explain myself. I simply hung my head, grabbed my sandwich, and walked out without saying goodbye.

It didn't take me long to realize it was totally worth it. One bite into that meaty goodness and I knew I made the right decision.

A couple minutes later I saw the guy in the parking lot. He waved as he walked to his car and I waved back, huge bite of sandwich slightly dropping out of my mouth as I fake smiled.

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