Top 7 Reasons the 'Making A Murderer' Prosecuters are Just Like Toddlers

11:32 AM

By now, everyone has probably watched or at least heard about Making a Murderer on Netflix. The story about the innocent man who spent 18 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit and is now serving life in prison for a crime the very police who effed him the first time around framed him for. Well, I spent the last 4 or 5 days binge watching this show until 2 in the morning and all I could think about was the uncanny similarities between the police/prosecuting team and my toddler.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury I present to you...the Top 7 Reasons the Manitowoc County Representatives are Just Like a Toddler...

{this post contains spoilers}

1. They plant evidence.
Hmmm so you're saying a key just magically appears on the floor of Steven Avery's trailer 4 days into their search? Sounds a lot like the time a poop ended up in the middle of the living room and my naked toddler refused to admit he knew how it got there.

2. They have no regard for your comfort as long as they look good.
Steven Avery has spent most of his innocent life behind bars in an orange jumpsuit. Not ideal. The Manitowoc police and the state of Wisconsin dont give a shit though. They look like heroes for putting a criminal in prison. I've spent the last year and a half in yoga pants with half brushed hair and stinky armpits. You think my toddler cares? Nope. He's all "Hey mom, Im gunna need a new pair of Gap skinny jeans whenever you get a chance thaaaanks."

3. They lie.
Did you arrive at the Avery property at 2:00pm? Nope
Did you choose not to sign the log? Nope
Did you steal blood from a sealed evidence box? Nope
Did you already have a granola bar today? Nope
Did you poop again? Nope
Did you color all over these walls? Nope
I dont know where Lenk ends and my toddler begins...

4. They invade your personal space without asking.
The search team in the Avery case spent something like 8 days on his property searching his trailer, garage, salvage yard, and surrounding areas. That's like, a ridiculous amount of time to ban a person from their home so you can "look" for evidence. It's equally as ridiculous that when we have the entire couch to lay on my toddler needs to be sitting on my head.

5. They leave messes in your car.
Cookies and spilled milk? Blood and sweat? Tomayto Tomahto!

6. They bitch and complain when they dont get their way.
Much like the tantrums my toddler throws when I wont give him lollipops for dinner the prosecution team in the Avery case basically laid down on the floor kicking and screaming anytime the defense did anything that remotely refuted their lies.

7. They talk in little Mickey Mouse voices, but are actually really evil.
Ken Kratz. WTF is up with your annoying ass voice? If you're going to lie in court, speak on national television and sext innocent victims maybe you should ditch the prescription pills and opt for some hormones so at least you sound like a man while you do it. Toddlers, on the other hand sound adorable with their little mouse voices, but yesterday was my birthday and my best friends 2 year old FaceTimed me and said "Happy Birthday Old Lady." It was really...really...mean.

What are your thoughts on Making A Murderer and the scum bags that put this innocent man in prison? Don't worry, I don't have an opinion or anything ;)

Also, want to sign the petition to free Steven Avery? Sign here.

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  1. Brilliantly clever! Definitely laughed my way through this one!



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