Presents from my Husband

3:23 PM

With Mother's Day around the corner I started thinking about what I want to do. My husband and I have a pretty strict no gift policy so instead we usually just do something nice together for special occasions. Why no gifts you ask? Well, my husband would tell you its not a necessary way to shower someone with love, and on some level I agree, but it is not why I am down with the no gift rule. The reason why I am totally ok with it is because....wait, first I should show you a really cute pic of us. So you see how sweet and adorable my husband is before I get into this any more...

There you go.

Ok, back to my reason why we have a strict no gift giving policy in our marriage. My husband, (honey, I love you!), is the WORST gift giver on the planet...

Here is a list of my 5 favorite worst gifts from my hubs.

1. Tennis Gear
Racket. Check. Outfit. Check. Bulky tennis racket shaped bag. Check. Shitload of balls. Check. A wife who has ever expressed any interest in tennis whatsoever??? Uhhh, nowhere to be found. Im not really sure what voice from above told my husband to buy me a gift fit for Serena Williams, but I am pretty sure the outfits still have the tags on them and the dog ate all the balls.

2. Size Extra Small Errrrrything
One year he bought me some new clothes, a new hat, and new shoes. Every single item looked like it was sized for a small child. I didn't know whether to look at him lovingly because he thought I could fit in all of it or to look at him confusingly, like are these actually for me or do you have an illegitimate 11 year old love child somewhere and these packages were actually meant for her? The customer service girl who helped me when returning these items, however, was not confused at all. She looked right at me with a look that could only say "Yea, I dont know why anyone thought any of this would fit you."

3. A Headlamp
No, I didn't type that wrong. My husband bought me an actual flashlight that you wear on your head. As a gift. Wrapped up nicely. With a bow. I have never worn it. Because all of my coal mining clothes are still at the dry cleaners. Here is a photo for anyone confused by what I might mean by headlamp.
Photo circa 2009. My husband wearing the actual headlamp
gifted to me just months prior.
4. A Plethora of gifts from the Surf Shop across the street from our house
Nothing screams I waited till the last minute like a shitload of gifts purchased from the only store within a 2 mile radius that stays open late on weekdays. "No honey, dont worry about the necklace I mentioned, a beach chair and some sunscreen is much more practical."

5. A Stadium Chair
Im so unsure of how to describe this item, because not only did I never mention wanting one, but I dont even know what the eff it does so I am just going to provide a photo. I feel that I also must mention that I cant remember the last time I attended a sporting event that involved bleachers....high school maybe??
What the actual fuck?
So, anywho...that about sums up the list. I've always been one to choose brunches, and daycations over most gifts anyway, but we put a pretty firm no gift policy into place after the stadium chair.

What's the weirdest gift you've ever gotten? Share with us here or let us know on Instagram!

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  1. Geese shaped earrings from an Alaskan airport gift store. Carved out of actual whale bone. Not only are my ears not pierced but I love whales. Alive ones. I was so confused when I opened the gift that I thought I was being punked. I should mention that these were from an ex boyfriend. Not my hubbs.

    1. Chelsea this is the most amazing thing I've read all day. I'm crying laughing!


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