5 Things We Get Right in Our 30's

3:42 PM

My husband was cleaning off a hard drive the other day and came across a bunch of old photos. Amongst them, he found a picture of me in my early twenties. He sent it to me in a text along with these loving words, "Look how scary you look!" I couldn't even be mad at him because he was right. The photo is still giving me nightmares.

I figured out what the photo was from, it was from a New Year's Eve party years and years ago. So, Im like, what the fuck? This isn't even just an ugly photo, it's an ugly photo of me trying to look my best!!?

I snapped a quick selfie and compared these pix side by side and all I could think is WTF? I thought we were supposed to look back on our twenties and wish we still looked that way? Not cringe at the thought that people actually saw you looking like that! There are definitely some things we get way more right in our 30's vs. our 20's...

1. Our brows
What in fucks name are we thinking when we tweeze our brows into nothingness in our 20's? Like, who told us 10 hairs shaped into a sperm above our eyes looked good? For those of us who are lucky, those sperms grow back into caterpillars and we can make smarter decisions in our 30's.

2. Our Eyeliner
How much eyeliner did you go through in your 20's? I swear I must have used a liner a week. Like, widdled down to a nub after a week. Just loaded that shit on like frosting, making my eyes look A: really tiny, and B: really sad.

3. Our clothing size
Ok, I get it...you want to be a size 25. But you are not a 25. You are a 27. When you try to shove your size 27 body into a size 25 it does not make you look skinnier. It makes you look like an uncomfortable sausage. I think it actually took me having a kid to accept my real size and man it feels good not to have to unbutton my pants every time I sit down.

4. Our hair color 
Black is a gorgeous hair color. Black is one of my favorite hair colors. Black hair looks amazing on so many people, but note to 20 year old self, when you have blonde sperm eyebrows, black is not a good hair color. 

5. Our tans
Thought process of a 20 something: "Tan the shit out of every part of face and body. The darker, the better. It goes so good with my 37 pounds of eyeliner and sperm eyebrows. My tan muffin top looks sexy af in my size 25 shorts." Meanwhile, most 30 year olds are barely visible under their umbrella sized hat, dewy sunscreeny faces, and sunglasses that could shield a fucking armageddon sized android.

And now for the photo....the dreaded photo that you all came here for....

Me. 23. Blonde Sperm Brows. Black Hair. So much eyeliner. Not a man, but could be mistaken for one vs. Me. 31. God given eyebrows. God-ish given hair. No eyeliner. Lots of dark circles that I wouldn't trade for those youthful cheekbones any day. (or that sexy hand gesture.)

Ladies...embrace your thirties. You are so much more beautiful today then you ever have been!

Love you!

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