Honest Motherhood Day 7: Love Yo Self

9:06 PM

Every day I feel like I have something to bitch about. There was too much traffic, it's so hot, Smith took a horrible nap, my hair is so fucking...big.

But I've recently been going through something major in my life (which I'll talk about another time) and as a survival technique I have pleaded with myself to try and start focusing solely on the positive, not only about every day life, but about myself as well.

Its. Been. Hard.

Well actually, the life stuff hasn't been that hard. I gave myself a swift punch in the tit and was like...."WHAT THE HELL DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT KRYSTIN?" Oh, there's too much traffic? Well, there's too much traffic because you live in a literal paradise. A place so wonderful that people save up all their money, and then when summer comes they get on an airplane, rent a hotel, and call the place that you call your backyard a vacation. Of course there's traffic. Want to live somewhere with no traffic? Move to South Dakota. (sorry to anyone who lives in S. Dakota that I may have just offended. I mean, at least you have Mt. Rushmore)

So you see the "positive life" thing hasn't been too difficult. Well, besides the tit punch.

The hardest part of seeing the positive side of things has actually been finding the positive in myself. I can think of a thousand things I am grateful for in my life, and somehow very few things I love or am grateful for in my self. This is sad. This is a form of self hate. I do not want to teach my son that you dont have to love yourself. You do. So....I sat down and wrote out across my refrigerator in chalk... "SOMETHING I LOVE ABOUT MYSELF...." and every morning I am forcing myself to dig deep inside and admit to something I like about myself. Today I sat down and wrote... "my crazy long hair!"....then...as quickly as I could, I grabbed a towel and erased it! It was as if I was afraid an audience of people were going to walk into my kitchen, read that I liked my hair and totally judge me for it. I stood there and stared at my erased self love...and then I said to myself "NO. FUCK THIS. I DO LOVE MY CRAZY ASS HAIR." So I wrote it back on the fridge and I forced myself to keep it there all day long.

I know this may seem like a ridiculous exercise. But for me, it has gotten me through a very dark time in my life. You cannot choose the hard things that happen to you in life. You can only choose how to let them effect you. And it's a lot more difficult for all that hard shit to break you down when your fridge is screaming at you...screaming that you love your smile, or your singing voice, or your big frizzy head of hair. Also, your fridge is screaming "I've got cookie dough in here!!"....so, there's always that to fall back on.

Love yo self ladies!

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