Honest Motherhood Day 9 & 10: A 16 Year Olds Thoughts

1:30 PM

Hey boys and girls. Well, probably just girls. I doubt any boys are reading this. Who knows if any girls are even reading this. Just our moms probably. Hey mom!

I know, I know...the elephant in the room. I missed yesterday's post. Im really sorry. I take full responsibility. I wont let it happen again. (maybe)

Anyway, on with today's honest thoughts. A story for you...

When I got dressed this morning I stared at my body in the mirror. Right in the center of my stomach is where my eyes always go. Not because of the few extra pounds Im still holding onto after having a baby. Not because it's my "problem area" or because it's SO DAMN WHITE. My eyes dart right to the center of my stomach because that is where I chose to permanently place a....star tattoo. 

Gah. Why? 

Here's the story...

When I was 16 I knew everything. Isnt that crazy? EVERYTHING! I cant believe I didnt win an award or a nobel prize or something fantastic for everything I KNEW! Because...I knew EVERYTHING! And one thing I was absolutely sure of was that a tattoo of a star in the middle of my stomach, done in a garage of a boys house after school one day was absolutely an extremely smart idea!

After my 5 pointed masterpiece was complete, I did what any brilliant 16 year old would do....I hid it from my parents! DUH!

Well, that plan only lasted so long and eventually my mom saw it. She looked at me, looked at my star, looked back at me and said "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?????!!!!!" I explained to this dumb old woman, (who knows NOTHING by the way) how absolutely amazing this tattoo was, and how I will NEVER regret getting it. My mom, in all of her "anti-knowledge, no life experience, hasn't learned from any of her own mistakes and has made it her life goal to guide me in a better direction" tone said:

"Well, what about when you aren't 16 anymore? And your stomach doesn't look like that (Flat. Abs. Toned. Perfect. Probably fat in my eyes!)?"

"Oh mother..." I enlightened her...

"By the time Im 25, I'll be driving a mini van full of kids and wearing tankini bathing suits that dont even show my stomach. I'll be OLD!"

How did my mom not grab me and shake me right then and there? How did she not smack me right across the perfectly plump skinned face? I'll never know...

I think about this conversation all the time. Almost every morning as I stare at the tattoo looking back at me from the mirror. Some days I feel so haggard and wrinkly and flabby and OLD! But this memory reminds me that I will look at myself at 32 so differently when I am 50, 60, 80! I will remember the 3 grey hairs that used to drive me crazy. I will remember my "wrinkly old skin" that I used to cover in makeup. 

Once, someone asked me why I dont just laser the tattoo off if it bothers me so much? And honestly, I've thought about it hundreds of times. But there's something that makes me want to keep it. As much as I loooooathe the stupid thing, I love the frequent flashbacks it gives me of the careless teenager who knew everything, sitting in a cute boys garage, eager and excited to permanently brand her virgin skin. As stupid as she was, there are days when this overly cautious mother misses her. And I really dont want to ever forget her. 

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